Dear Diary,

Today I felt at peace with my body. I loved the way I looked. My hair was all crazy the way it normally is. My makeup was done how it normally is. I felt like me. 100% like me. The way it felt to be comfortable in my own skin was irreplaceable”. - My Diary



Today I felt self-love. Standing naked out in the cold desert will do that to you. I felt so vulnerable as the cold breeze danced around the curves of my body. The chills awakened me. Today I felt at peace with my body. I loved the way I looked. My hair was all crazy the way it normally is. My makeup was done how it normally is. I felt like me. 100% like me. The way it felt to be comfortable in my own skin was irreplaceable. 

 

Lately, I have not been feeling 100% percent about my body. I have found myself talking down about it more frequently. I often find it challenging to take off my shirt. And the types of shirts I am wearing have changed from tight to loose fitting. It made me think. What do I need to do long term to be comfortable in my own skin. What actions would I have to take to be ok with what I look and feel like on the daily?

 

  1. I have to log my macros daily. I can take breaks but if they are not planned breaks then I begin to feeling guilty and that triggers my negative self talk.
  2. I have to follow my training schedule. Again if I am not following this then I begin to speak more negativity about myself.
  3. Hit minimum of water and protein daily. (If I do not hit my protein I start to obsessive over the fact that I am likely losing my hard earned muscle or at least not putting on any gains.)

 

Now, the question becomes is it realistic to be able to complete these things daily. Yes, I do think that on some level is it possible to do this long term. Not every day will be perfect. Sometimes you'll be so depressed you will not go to the gym for a week, some days you might end up going to the grocery store hungry, sometimes your lifestyle changes and it takes awhile to adjust.  But do not let these events turn into long-term excuses. Realize that they are needed to motivate you to the next step. Realize that the lows are needed in order to reach new heights. But also be willing to look honestly at yourself and do what you need to in life to be completely happy. Take actions every day to reaching those goals.

 

My problem is I have been eating out a lot. I have had days where I roughly log and days where I just stop logging. But I have also enjoyed trying new foods, not spending as much time thinking about food, my hunger and full signaling now seems to be back on track, and I am motivated to keep moving forward.

 

I have gained about 4-5 pounds since my show. I have been traveling but happy with where I have plateaued at. Sorry, I have not been following your macros a lot of those days coach. But I am comfortable with where I am at. And I am happy that I have noticed I am eating more mindfully now. I am no longer eating just because I can. When I do eat a meal I feel I hit a point where I am content. I went through a phase of wanting to buy Ben and Jerry's and would eat it in like 2 days. Now, I threw the last one out because it wasn’t my favorite flavor and did not really sound appealing. 

 

I've still been eating out a lot but now I am logging what I am eating and some days I do not hit my macros but I am holding myself responsible by roughly logging. Remembering the point of logging is not as punishment, it is allowing us to be in control of our health. It is a give of knowledge and data!

 

People look at logging as a negative thing. It is not. Once I decide not to compete… I want to get to a point where I can just intuitively and mindfully eat to maintain the body I want. That is the goal with a lot of my clients as well. But until I can get to that point and do continue to compete I like to log. Otherwise, I do not treat my body the best I can, it is just not as optimal. My fiber intake is not consistent so I become irregular. And my protein is generally low, which when you're trying to put on muscle mass is the last thing you want to do. And I never put on much weight because well our bodies naturally kind of maintain at a certain point.

 

As coach would say. There is no more time to bull shit around. We have got a job to do and a mission and vision to create.